Remember Me
by Steampunk.Chuckster
Summary: Post-finale. Charah. Sarah and Chuck are slowly progressing in their relationship, but what happens when she stumbles upon something he never meant for her to hear?


**A/N: **So this is something different. I did a Sarah POV fic challenge at my SWML blog on tumblr and someone gave me a prompt that really made my creative juices flow. So to speak. So much so that I made it into a project. I linked a fic with music. I've made soundtracks for ConVerse and such, but this time I've put the playlist into the story. And I've published it on 8tracks so that you all can listen to it, too.

This was the prompt from an anonymous Chuck fan: "After the finale, Sarah is living back with Chuck again. They're getting close and things are good. But Sarah needs that extra push before things get back to where they were. I leave the rest up to you cuz I trust you!"

And this is the result.

If you want to listen to the playlist Sarah hears in this story, I've put the link in my About Me. Please do give it a listen. I hope you like it. And I hope you like the fic that goes with it.

* * *

How did this much dust even _happen _in one week? Hadn't she just dusted? And yet it was like a blanket was covering every single surface of their home. She lifted Chuck's Playstation controllers from the coffee table with a huff, winding the cords around them and setting them on the console by the television before going back and swiping at the table with her damp rag.

She felt a little strange suddenly and when she turned to look behind her, she saw that Chuck was watching her while leaning against their kitchen table, a smirk on his handsome face. "Chuck, I just cleaned that!"

He stood up with wide eyes, looking back at where he had been leaning, chuckling in amused shock and holding his hands up. "Sarah, don't worry. If anything my butt just gave it an extra little scrub." He ground his backside against the edge of the table again and she gave him a flat look. He stepped away and laughed. "Sorry."

"How long have you been there watching me?"

"Long enough to know you're being a little too Ellie at the moment. Your Ellie is up here…" he lifted his hand over his head, "and I need it to be down here," he lowered it again to hip level.

"I'm going to tell her you said that when she gets here."

He made a face, pushing air into his cheeks and widening his eyes. "Please don't?"

That finally got her to crack a smile and she walked around their couch to walk closer to him, wringing the cloth in her hands a bit. "Isn't it just a nice thing to have the place clean for guests? I don't want them to come in here and think I'm a mess."

"Sarah, nobody thinks you're a mess."

She felt like one most of the time, but she knew she couldn't say that out loud. If she did, Chuck would probably give her a long speech again about how none of this was her fault, and he would be late picking Ellie, Devon, and Clara up from the airport. "Are they sure they won't stay here?"

"They wanted to stay at the beach, which…_Rude_," he said teasingly. "Stay with your fun-loving brother or at the beach? Come on. I know which one I'd choose."

She laughed and gently swatted his chest with the cloth.

"What—Now you're dusting _me_? This is getting a little out of hand, missy."

She laughed even harder as he snagged the towel and tossed it over his shoulder so that it half landed on the back of one of the chairs before falling to the floor. "Get out of here, already. You're gonna be late."

Chuck nodded and took a step back, pulling his car keys out of his pocket. "I'm going to bring them back here, we'll have some eats, and they'll use my car while they're in town. If that's okay? I mean, you don't mind me driving the Lotus, right? I probably won't even need to use it, but you know, in an emergency—"

"Chuck!" she interrupted, grabbing his hand to stop him from rambling. "Chuck, it's fine. I trust you with the Lotus. I did before, right?"

"Yeah. You did." His smile was tentative. "I'm sorry. I had a bit of a freak out. Sorry." His thumb swiped over her hand and she swallowed thickly.

She had been back in Burbank for two months now, living with Chuck again in the place that had been her home for years. The first place in her entire life that had ever felt like home. And here she was, making it her home for a second time. Or was it her second first time?

Either way, when Ellie called her to say they were coming back for a seven day vacation to visit, and to spend "every waking moment at an _actual _ocean", Sarah hadn't thought twice about offering the guest room to them. That meant moving into Chuck's room. Sleeping in his bed. She thought it was the last push she needed. And maybe when the Woodcombs went back to Chicago again, Sarah would just stay. She wouldn't need to go back to the guest room.

She was ready for this now. After two months, she was ready to take that step. At least, she thought she was.

She was in love with him. Sarah knew that without a doubt. And she _had _been since before she left. But there were so many other things that she'd needed to figure out. Could she devote herself to him for the rest of her life? It was a scary thought, whether she loved him or not.

But then Ellie had insisted on a hotel in Malibu that was right near the ocean. And that opportunity flew out the window. Could she just grab her things and drag them into Chuck's room without a reason? She wasn't sure.

She needed that push.

"It's okay, Chuck." She hated when he tiptoed around her like this. And he knew it…hence the apology.

When he leaned in, she met him halfway, giving him a warm but quick kiss. "When you get back, this whole place will be sparkling."

He wrinkled his nose. "Please don't kill yourself," Chuck said, putting his hands together as he back towards the door. "Please please please?"

"I won't," she giggle. "Go!"

"Just clean the living room. They won't even see anything else."

"Go, you nerd!"

He made a teasingly affronted face around the edge of the door, her laughter following him out into the courtyard as he shut their front door and left.

She spent the next ten minutes finishing up with dusting, arranging things so that their home looked neater than it had after Morgan left the night before. Freaking Morgan always came over and played video games. But at least Alex was there, too, to keep her company while the boys played their games. Sarah found she connected well with Alex. Whether it was remainder from before she lost her memories, or if it was a new friendship, Sarah couldn't tell. But because that dredged up too many confusing emotions about the status of her relationships with the other people in her life, she decided not to think about it too hard, and instead just enjoy it.

Sarah moved into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cupboard, filling it with ice and water, guzzling half of it down and refilling it again.

Even though Chuck had told her not to clean anything but the living room, he had been complaining lately about not having the time to tidy up his room. Things had gotten a little backed up at Carmichael Industries. They'd both been coming back late at night and sometimes leaving early in the morning.

He was slightly OCD, a Bartowski trait he'd insisted, and when things got too cluttered or unclean, it made him nervous. She'd also noticed in the last two months that when he was upset or needed to think about something, he cleaned things. It was nice living with someone who was so clean. It was even nicer that he was laid back enough to ignore when her room wasn't as clean as his was, or if she left the blanket askew on the couch instead of folding it the way he did when he was finished.

She stood in the middle of his room then, the rag she'd picked up from the ground in one hand, her glass of water in the other. And she felt a little lost. Maybe she wanted this to be hers. Maybe that was it. Instead of feeling like she was walking into a room that wasn't her own. She knew she was welcome to come into this room whenever she wanted to. Some of her things from before she lost her memories were still here, after all, in the closet. She hadn't looked through it at all. She would have to someday. When things were more settled between her and Chuck. There were probably clothes from past missions stashed in there.

It didn't matter at the moment. Her priority was to surprise Chuck with a neat, clean room when he came back.

She heard her phone buzz in her room then. Rushing down the hallway and pushing into her bedroom, she snagged her phone from the dresser and saw that Chuck had texted her. _The folks are famished so I am going to take them for lunch. Do you want to meet us somewhere? Or I can bring you something home._

As much as she liked the idea of meeting them for lunch, she also wasn't entirely prepared for the moment when she would be meeting Ellie for the first time since she threatened her. Her sister-in-law had already called her so many times by now, and they'd had many a long conversation over the phone. There was no tension there…Just like her brother, Ellie Woodcomb was warm and understanding and so easy to talk to.

Sarah looked down at her phone again and typed. _I still have some things to do around here. Is that okay?_

She sent it and wanted to take it back immediately. It felt silly. She should go. She should meet them.

_Of course it is! You better not be cleaning though! We'll be two hours or so. The freeways are constipated._

Sarah snorted loudly. _Take your time, Chuck. _She paused, looking down at the heart emoji, her thumb hovering over it. She tossed her phone back onto her bed without sending the heart and went back down the hallway to Chuck's room.

First, she decided, she would have to tackle his desk. It wasn't a mess, exactly. There were no coffee mugs half full of coffee or used plates all over. But his papers were stacked haphazardly, math equations scribbled everywhere. She swore that he sometimes did math just for fun. He was brilliant, and sometimes it was easy to forget just _how _brilliant when he acted like a goof.

_Nerd_, she thought affectionately as she set to straightening the desk, lifting things to swipe at the dust beneath them.

He did have a tendency to misplace pens. He would grab one from inside the drawer, use it, set it down somewhere, be unable to find it in the midst of the papers, and have to take another out to use. She had seen it firsthand in Castle. _Apparently he has that problem here as well_, she thought to herself as she started collecting the pens buried in the papers.

Sarah pulled open his drawer. There weren't any pens there. Just a pair of scissors and an old floppy disk. She snorted to herself at that, wondering how old the thing must be, and what was even on it?

She shut that drawer and pulled out the larger and deeper drawer to the left of the desk. A tin can had pens, pencils, markers and a single and random crayon inside of it. She slid the pens she'd gathered in beside the other writing utensils and closed the drawer again.

Sarah stopped.

She had just seen her name. On a CD that was sitting in there.

It was probably something from before. Something he had made when they were dating, or after they'd gotten married, or something. And while that voice inside of her (the voice that had recently become less vocal as she became more comfortable here with Chuck) said it was none of her business, Sarah knew that it was. This was her home, and this had once been her bedroom. These things had been hers, too. This life was hers. It wasn't some past Sarah's life. It was _her_ life. She was Sarah Bartowski. Whether she remembered the full scope of what that meant or not.

She slid the drawer open with confidence then and looked inside. A clear case housed a CD with the words "Remember Me" on it, written in Chuck's scrawl. And at the bottom, he had added "Sarah & Chuck".

_Remember me._

He had written this after she lost her memories. Of course he had. Did he make this CD for her? Or was she not meant to see it? Was it just something he made for himself?

Maybe this wasn't any of her business.

Then again, back in Castle, when Chuck was helping her find Quinn, Morgan had tried to bring her memories back by showing her a slideshow of her relationship with her husband. Was this another slideshow?

There was no way to know unless she looked.

So she reached in and pulled it out.

She realized there was something taped to the back, so she turned it over.

_This is for you, Sarah. I hope you find what you're looking for. Either way, I'm here for you. _

_Always, _

_Your Chuck._

Sarah gulped, her eyes stinging. He'd made this for her but never gave it to her. It must be music. He had broken out playlists for her whenever they had to drive somewhere for their business and she had thumbed through them. She remembered wondering how _this many _endearing traits could fit into one man.

Granted, he was rather tall…

Chuckling wetly to herself, as she blinked her tears away, she decided that there must have been a reason why he didn't send it. And she also decided she didn't care.

So she slid it into his CD player and pressed play, sitting in the desk chair as she clung to the CD case and stared at his note.

Sarah wasn't sure how long she sat there. Whether it was an hour, or longer. Maybe even two hours. She had no idea. It didn't matter. She was so lost in the music, in the lyrics, in the peppiness of some of the music, the way some of it left her feeling uplifted—and it had to be said, the way some of it left her heartbroken. It was like getting a window into Chuck's heart during those months she was off on her own, those months she left him behind so that she could find herself. The heartbreak and the hope and the way he yearned to tell her everything would be alright…the feeling that he was trying to tell _himself_ it would be alright. His attempt to bolster her spirits, give her hope, and let her know that he had hope she would find her way. Even if that way didn't lead her back to him. He even made her laugh, randomly throwing in a song about how hot he thought she was. And more than anything, in every single song, she felt how much he loved her.

Chuck Bartowski dove in front of a bullet to save her life, after she had thrown him down a flight of stairs, pointed a gun in his face, rebuffed his heartfelt plea to believe him and remember him.

He had waited for months for her to return. And even when she did return, he let her take up residence in the guest room. He gave her space and time. He was there when she needed him. Every. Single. Time.

And all through that, while she knew he loved her, while he'd proven it over and over and over again…Nothing had ever made her feel it flood through her entire existence like this had. There was no other way to describe it. She was filled with his love, from the tips of her toes, to the top of her head. Her mind, body, spirit…every single part of her existence was filled with his love.

It wasn't overwhelming.

Before when she'd mused on how much he must love her, she'd felt overwhelmed. How was it possible a person loved someone that much?

She didn't feel that way now. She understood. Because she returned every ounce of it.

Sarah laughed and sobbed at the same time, listening to the CD whir to a stop in the player as she covered her face with her hands.

Swiping at her cheeks with the tissues from the box she'd since grabbed off of his desk and held on her lap, there was no question at all of whether or not she was ready to devote the rest of her life to this relationship, this partnership.

Nothing she could remember in her life before had longevity. Her partnership with Bryce had ended right after their affair. Her relationship with her mother. Her relationship with her father. And, she'd come to accept…even her life wouldn't have much longevity. Not with the line of work she was in. None of her missions would last forever. Obviously, the time would come when there was no longer a threat, when the terrorist was taken out, et cetera. And she would move onto the next mission.

But Chuck had given her longevity. And Quinn had tried his damndest to take it away. He'd almost succeeded.

Almost.

Sarah got up to take the CD out, sticking it back in its case and shutting it, turning it over. She was glad he hadn't sent it. That she'd seen it now. The timing couldn't have been better.

If he had sent it to her while she was in D.C., she wouldn't have paid it much mind. Or maybe she would have, staring at the note, turning the case over in her hands, maybe skimming through the songs. Even if she sat all the way through, Sarah knew it would have left her feeling broken and guilty. And it probably would have made her run farther away. She would have stayed away from Chuck much longer. And she would have been overwhelmed by the emotions in each song, what it meant about him and his love for her.

But she hadn't gotten the CD then. She got it now. She listened to it now.

Now that she had already accepted that she was in love with Chuck Bartowski. Now that she already knew that loving him had nothing to do with leftover emotions that snuck through Quinn's attempts to wipe her brain of everything Chuck Bartowski, Sarah knew it was real and true.

The only thing that remained to be seen was whether she would stay in love with him. She couldn't hurt him again. She couldn't love him for a little while, stay married to him, and decide later that this "for the rest of her life" business was too hard to handle, go back to the CIA and lose herself in missions. She couldn't break his heart like that.

And yet she had stayed the last two months.

She knew now that it was because she'd already subconsciously accepted that this _was _the rest of her life. Chuck was the rest of her life. Carmichael Industries. Ellie and Devon. Clara. Morgan, Alex, Casey. Every part of this life she'd attempted to leave behind for a short time—it was lodged in her heart. She belonged with these people.

And she belonged with Chuck.

He'd given her longevity.

Sarah was ready to tell everyone she was Sarah Bartowski, not Walker. She was ready to let him in, in every sense of the word. It was something she had thought about often, even while she was away. Agonizing over what it might feel like to be with him.

She was done agonizing over what he might feel like. Soft kisses and holding hands and hugs in the hallway before they split off to their own rooms…those had been such wonderful, heartwarming moments. But she craved more.

She was ready.

Sarah took a deep breath, finished straightening out his desk and taking her CD back into her own room, intent on listening to it again later.

But for now, her in-laws were coming over any minute. And she had every intention of not looking like she had just cried for over an hour when Ellie Woodcomb arrived in a flurry of kisses and hugs and excitement.

()()()()()

Sarah set the last wine glass on the bar just as she heard their front door open.

"The Woodcombs have arrived!" Chuck bellowed as he stepped inside with bags under his arms, and what looked like a baby blanket in his hand.

Seeing him in person for the first time after hearing the playlist he'd made for her _was_ overwhelming. She laughed to herself, feeling tears prick the backs of her eyes, but she sucked them back through pure determination and will, rounding the bar to leave the kitchen and help Chuck with the bags.

"Hi," she breathed, setting the suitcases down by the door.

"Hey. You didn't clean everything, did y—"

Sarah wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. She left most of the passion out of the kiss, as she felt her sister-in-law and her husband's presence behind Chuck, but it certainly wasn't chaste.

"Wow, um. Hah—uh—"

"Hi, Ellie!" Sarah turned away from a boggled Chuck to embrace Ellie Woodcomb in a tight hug. And when the woman clung for longer than was probably necessary, Sarah felt the tears threaten again.

"So good to see you," the older woman said, squeezing her one last time before pulling back, her own eyes suspiciously glassy as she pat Sarah's shoulder once.

And then Sarah was swept up in Devon's bear hug, something Chuck had warned her about. It felt wonderful, and she hugged him back, laughing.

This was all hers. Even the fussy baby girl Devon had passed to Ellie before hugging his sister-in-law.

And Sarah didn't miss the way the fussy little girl became less fussy when her uncle cradled her in his arms and curled his lip and wrinkled his nose to make a goofy face at her.

And Chuck's grin hadn't dissipated even after Clara spit up on his shirt. Instead, he disappeared into his room to change his shirt, leaving Sarah to entertain on her own for a moment.

Ellie caught her up on Chicago, on how different it was from Southern California, telling her they were still adjusting. Devon called her a wimp and she smacked him harder than Sarah had expected, but the surgeon still laughed, relaying to Sarah the way Ellie's mood reflected the weather. When Chicago's famously fickle weather did a one-eighty, so did his wife's mood.

And then Ellie got up to grab a glass of water. Sarah jumped up to get it for her, but Ellie waved her off. "I know where it is! Here, hold Clara for a second."

Suddenly there was a baby girl with sandy blond hair in her arms. She was beautiful, and well-behaved at the moment, thank goodness. It wasn't entirely unfamiliar holding this little girl…her niece. She'd held babies before. But this was different. This little girl was her family.

Chuck strode out of the hallway again and shot Sarah a teasingly chastising look. "You cleaned my room, didn't you?"

She laughed, aware of everything that must have been in her eyes when she looked at him, the way his features softened suddenly, his face filled with warmth and love. Everything she was also feeling at the moment. "Just the desk. I ran out of time before I could do anything else."

He smiled. "Ellie, you would have been proud of her, the way she ran around here cleaning for you."

Ellie snorted over the rim of her glass as she took a sip and walked back to the table. "Oh God. Tell me you didn't do a full cleanse just for us."

"No, just dusting," Sarah giggled.

"Good."

The Woodcomb family stayed for hours, long enough for Sarah and Devon to tag team dinner preparations while Chuck and Ellie played with Clara at the table, music drifting through the cozy home from Chuck's sound system in the living room.

They left with plans for everyone to spend some time at the beach together. Piling back into Chuck's car to drive to their Malibu hotel, and with Chuck and Sarah waving them off from the curb, the young family disappeared around the corner and out of sight. Leaving Sarah to feel a bit frazzled, her emotions from the day suddenly bubbling up to the surface.

When Chuck threw his arm over her shoulders in a naturally intimate way, pulling her into his side as they walked back through the courtyard and to their front door, she turned her face into his shirt and grinned, rounding his waist with her own arms and squeezing tight.

They cleaned up a bit, laughing over the stories Ellie and Devon had told, before shutting off the lights in the living room and kitchen and moving into the hallway hand-in-hand. The affection and intimacy between them was so natural and easy—Sarah could feel that Chuck recognized something was different. True to form, he didn't question it. Instead he embraced it.

When they stopped at his door, he turned to hug her tightly, pressing his lips into her hair.

Then she pulled back with a smile and continued down the hall to her own room, grabbing the CD from where she'd left it on her dresser and hurrying back.

When she swung around the doorjamb, she noticed Chuck was on his bed, tugging his sneakers off.

"Hey." He grinned. "You…okay?" he asked, and she mused on what her face must look like. A mixture of total adoration and maybe a bit of tentativeness or shyness. She didn't know. It didn't matter.

She swung her hand in front of her, the CD clutched between her fingers. "When did you make this, Chuck?"

His brow furrowed in a mixture of confusion and amusement, but when his gaze dropped to what was in her hand, his face went blank. "Where'd you get that?"

"I didn't mean to snoop, Chuck. I'm sorry. I know you never sent it to me for a reason. I was tidying up and it was in the drawer with the pens and you have that habit of losing pens and I listened to it and…I'm rambling. Like you."

"I'm a bad influence," he breathed, standing up from the bed and walking closer. "Did you really listen to it?"

There were the tears again. And his hands grabbed hers, holding them tightly. "I can't tell you how—There's too much stuff to talk about, and things for me to say, but it's all stuck and I can't find the right words."

"That's why I made it. I couldn't find the right words, either."

"I know." She giggled a little, barely biting back a hiccup. "It was very effective." Sarah took a deep breath, stepping even closer. "I love you. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

"Yeah," he chuckled breathlessly. His grin was almost blinding but she didn't look away. Not even for a moment. "But that doesn't mean it didn't feel fantastic to hear you say it out loud."

"I love you," she said again, for good measure.

She let go of his hands and slowly slid her arms around his shoulders, dragging a hand through the curls at the back of his head and pressing her face into his neck. They silently held each other as Sarah let the tears drip from her eyes and stain Chuck's second shirt of the day.

There was a lot to talk about still.

But for now, she just clung to him with all her might. And she was filled with an indescribable light when she felt him cling back just as hard.

* * *

**A/N: **Go listen to that music!

Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.

Let me know what you thought of it.

SC


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